Writing today's post on a rainy Sunday morning...

I initially wasn't go to write a post for this month, but some weird productivity spiked in me as the rain fell. As well as this being my 25th week of capstone, it also happens to be the gazillionth day of COVID-19. This past month has seemed harder than most, cases rising and thanksgivings cancelled. I haven't had much of a heart to open my laptop on the weekends or after work, let alone enough heart to work on my capstone the way it deserves.

It's been really hard. To stay positive and, in turn, to stay creative. I keep making those little promises to myself of "oh, just take this weekend to yourself and next weekend you'll be ready to get back at it". It's always a nice thought, but one of the hardest things to actually follow through with.

If I'm being honest, I feel burnt-out. I've done my best to spread out the work, but a little bit of work here and there is almost worse than just staying up all night and pounding out a finished product. And the reality of all of it happens to be – it's not the work that has burned me out, it's the isolation and change this new reality brings. How do I stay creative when I draw energy from the outdoors, but now the weather has turned cold? How do I stay creative when I draw energy from the comfort and company of friends and family, but now I can't see them without being internally anxious about the outcome of my actions?

Put it all together – it's just hard. And instead of hiding that from the process, I wanted to bring it into the light. External factors should not be excluded when looking at the whole of the project. My life is not just this, it's all of it. Designers are not just their work, they bring all of their life experiences to the table. And to be able to look back on these posts as a true, real, raw process, I wanted to not downplay how challenging this time has been – for me and everyone living through the pandemic.

Long story made long, I am still getting things done. My mind is too spastic to allow me to be un-productive, but the effort takes its toll.

As for updates...

With user research done (I hope?), all the hard questions remain on the horizon. I finished my last interview with a school counselor and then finished writing all of the transcripts of my interviews. I was able to interview 8 people in the end: 4 users with childhood memory loss, a child psychologist, a social worker, a school counselor, and a teacher.

I feel really good about the interviews I did – I was able to get a lot of insights from users, experts, and (what I would consider) stakeholders in the project. I'm still wondering.... is there more user research to be done? Could I incorporate more methods (i.e. observations, journey mapping, journaling, etc.) that would prove to be helpful in the long run? I'm not sure, but I am planning on setting up a meeting with someone who knows more than I do to talk it through.

I am currently going back through the transcripts and looking for insights and common themes. There are some really great themes emerging. Some include:

• messaging received from parents (i.e. "you are fine", not asking how you are doing, not feeling safe to share emotions, etc.)

• connecting learning / playing to be used as a form of movement + meditation

• knowing what coping mechanisms you are using and deciding (every time) not to go down that path again

• grounding techniques and EMDR

• and so much more (can't give away everything in one post)

It is really exciting to see possible solutions pop-up when skimming through interview text. I've always gravitated towards interviews for insights because I love being able to talk to real people about their experiences. There is no quantitative data to analyze (although that is always helpful too), it's the qualitative information that I look for. The behaviors that are personal to each person, that they never saw until they were asked about it. I live for that stuff – that is where the project is born for me. And I love staying in that phase as long as I can.

But I do recognize it might be time to move on (from interviewing at least) and so I started to pool together what I have found. My next step involves utilizing the other side of my brain, to get it ready for brainstorming and thinking innovatively about solutions. I am planning on taking snapshots of themes that I find and collaging images based on the mood, content, and context I want to take it. I thought this would be a great pre-cursor to a moodboard and re-focusing my problem statement.

I've created my two-month plan with a list of things to complete over holiday break and before spring semester. And the funniest thing, is that as soon as I start to dig in, bury myself in the work – the whole mood changes. I feel positive and productive and full – and I know I am going to create something special.

It's hard to start, but easy to keep going.